My Mom and the Big C...Cancer

Ugh, it's been a while since I did some therapeutic blogging but I've felt compelled to do it recently. My mom who has a whole mess of health problems such as diabetes, gallbladder disease, a hypothyroid and I suspect a case of the crazies also has cancer. I found out just before I was schedule to fly out the next day for my sister's destination wedding in Mexico.

My parents didn't attend because I believe they have a genuine fear of Mexico and who doesn't these days. My mom asked me to tell my sister on her wedding trip. I confess that I kept that little tidbit under my hat till after the wedding. No point in telling them unless they can fly back and do the surgery themselves. I wouldn't do it to them but my mom was surprised, nonetheless, that I hadn't informed them. I figured news that personal new deserves to be personally delivered. I think my sister was in a state of shock and even though my mom gave her guilt for still going on her wedding (she didn't know at the time) she still showed up early this morning to see my mom before her surgery.

How did I react when I found out? I have to confess, I don't have a particularly great relationship with my mom but that phone call still devastated me. Cancer is pretty terrify. I've known more people who've died of cancer than survived it. So I was nervous. My family has no history of cancer and I kind of knew that if I eat right and exercise I would avoid the biggies that kill most of my family members, diabetes complications and congestive heart failure. So, now I have to worry about uterine cancer. Alright, bring it on. I am pretty optimistic of my chances. I am very in tune with my body so I hope I can sense when something is not quite right.

During all my mom's testing, somebodyed ask if her daughters would get tested for the cancer gene. I told her no straight up. I am not really interested in knowing, honestly. I haven't had kids yet so I am going to hang on to that possibly problematic uterus for as long as I got. What purpose would it serve me to know in this point of my life. I don't enjoy living in fear.

Honestly, here's what I really wanted after I received this devastating news. My parents to get a divorce. I know someone is wishing me to burn in hell but the one thing I've learned out of life is that you can't make someone love you if they don't. My parents have had a rocky and manipulative marriage as far as I can remember and it has definitely affected my personal relationships. Now, I am not blaming my parents for any of my problems but as far back as I remember, I wished that my parents would find others to be happy with because they weren't with each other. Of course, I went through those years of wishing my parents wouldn't get divorced but after awhile their unhappiness in their marriage just spilled over to being unhappy with their lives. My dad smokes pot 3 times a week minimum while my mom became an emotional eater and shopper whose depression and poor spending habits sucked the very joy out of everything. My mom's depression was especially bad around the holidays. I am still trying to get in the festive mood and I've only just recently put up a Christmas tree. The first in 10 years.

Now, my dad is going to take care of my mom while she recovers. This ought to be interesting. I can only visit. I have to pay off my Mexico trip but maybe this might be the boost they need to either give it a go for old times sake or call it quits, permanently.

So, I am happy that my mom is going to recovery full from cancer. They caught it early enough. No chemo, no radiation needed. Yeah! Now let's see if they can take the next step towards the rest of their lives....hopefully apart.

Christmas!

Well, it's that time of year again. This year we have done something different. We bought a real tree. Actually, I think it's our first Christmas tree ever as a a couple, ever! Not that I don't like getting in to the Christmas spirit, it's just that we've been so poor in the past to go out and get a tree, even a fake one. Then when I graduate we didn't have the room to put up a tree. Well, we've finally sprung for one this year. Our first Christmas tree in our new house.

Plus, in the picture was one of our house warming gifts, Sparkles. She is the little brown tabby/calico thing. The big brown and white cat squishing her is Paco. As you can tell they are best of buds. In the past they were almost too best of buds. Since she is so tiny I kind of missed her becoming a young lady and going in to heat. I just thought she was getting vocal. I only realized after her hormones revived Paco's libido from his neutering and I caught them hooked up. Not like Paco was going to be knocking her up it was a little shocking to see him violating my little girl. She didn't seem to mind, though. Overall, she is awesome and I totally adore her. I kind of surprised the husband when I told him we were picking her up but he chose her. I wanted her brother. As you can tell I am a sucker for brown tabbies. Plus, I've heard that calico cats are kind of cranky but she has turned out to be the best kitty! Just in case I forget and Happy Holidays!

Ima sucka...

I'd like to think I am optimistic but I got suckered tonight. I volunteered to work a night shift tonight even though I am still in training. I got persuaded by my boss that it wouldn't be busy. I figured I can catch up on all my Internet gossip sites and start on a knitting project. I must have pissed of the work gods because I was busy from the get go. I tried my best but even I conceded defeat and called a coworker in to get me out the weeds. I guess the night wouldn't have sucked if I had eaten something but I was so busy that I couldn't even pee for 13 hours. I literally cried when I peed, it was that good.

I hate to say it but...I miss my old job. At least I didn't eat for 8 hours instead of the 12.5 as I do here. My old job was crazy busy all the time and it sucked but I loved it in a way. Plus I miss cussing. Seriously, I miss saying fuck, fuck, fuck at work. God it's so liberating to just cuss up a storm and not feel the need to censor yourself. Oh well, I will say I've had a rough start to a new job. It's bound to get better...right? I hope so!

Changes!

Well, this year has been a busy one. I bought a house this year with the hubby. I didn't ever think I would do that. I am definitely a city gal and a condo was more up my alley than a house with a yard. Just the act of buying a home was a big thing. I am not known for making commitments. I have made being on the fence about everything an art form. Getting married changed all that and slowly I have been making the change to someone who commits to a course of action.

This week I quit my job. I, of course, have another job lined up but the act of quitting a job whose relationship to me is akin to having an abusive boyfriend is amazing. In fact, I tried to quit before but was lulled back with promises of changes and guilt. My husband was not happy. I have been consumed by restless nights and depression when it has come to my job. My husband knowing how cheerful of a person that I am, encouraged me to get the fuck out. I had the chance and I said no. He was not happy. Finally, they pissed me off. The messed with the one thing that was non-negotiable. Spending time with my husband. Give me a choice of spending time at work or with the hubbie. The hubbie wins every time. So, next came the fear of breaking my boss's heart. Well, actually my old boss. I switched departments recently and I really doubt that the new boss really knows my name. She took the resignation like a champ. My old boss had tears in her voice in the very awkward phone call that we had in my new bosses office...on speaker phone. So, now everyone knows. The response has been one of shock, awe, appeals of letting them know when my new place is hiring and maybe one pissy person. Am I a full of guilt...hell yeah. Am I sorry...hell no. I love my co-workers but the job is killing me and I am ready to move on. It sucks that I can't take them with me.

By the way, the other change? Our new kitty, Sparkles. We got her as a kitten back in April but she is a young lady cat now. I need to post a pix soon. She is adorable and has really completed our kitty clan. She is such a happy cat and is a real joy to be around. The other kitties are good, too. Overall...life is good and getting better.

RIP Babooner

Here is a picture of Siamezer and Babooner. Siamezer died about a year ago and lately Babooner has been the last of our feral cat colony. We had Calico Kitty but she has been missing for the last couple of months and I can only hope that she found a good home.

The hubbie and I bought a house 2 weeks ago and one of our concerns was how to establish our outdoor kitty, Babooner, at the new house. Well, we don't have to worry about that anymore.

My husband discovered his body this morning on the stairwell towards our backdoor where he sleeps. He most likely died due to old age and the diseases that come with it. I had noticed that he was not looking too good lately but nothing to indicate to me that this weekend was his last. He was pretty feral. I never touched him once in the 10 years that we fed him. We trapped and neutered him when he was about 2 years old. So, for a feral cat he lived a long life. Still I wish that I could have at least touched him once before he died. We are still looking for Calico...

UPDATE: The apartment folks told us that a pack of dogs killed my kitty. I felt bad before but now I feel like shit. I feel like I could have prevented his death. I know that outdoor cats are exposed to more dangers than indoor kitties but after 10 years of taking care of him I figured we had another 10 years. I never worried about him he could out run anything...I guess I was wrong. I will miss you Babooner, you were the last of my feral colony and the patriarch. Rest in Peace.

Crack Cat vs. Smooth Operator

Okay, I love how Paco is so smooth on his arm on my Ana cat but seriously can she be more cracked out?!? They are total opposites!

I suspect that something twitched on the floor when I took this picture but who knows?

Yin and Yang, sort of!

Here is my Ana cat and Snuggles cuddling up. I took this picture in 5/2007. I love how Ana loves to snuggle her Snuggles but give her about 5 minutes and that cute cuddling turns into this oppressive biting and the Snugs gets weirded out because she makes him use a "safe" word for their play. So where the hell have I been? Freaking Facebook. It has gotten addicting and I feel the need to update my status every couple of days. I am trying to wean myself from FB but thank God I haven't done the Twittering thing. That's a little too much for me. So enjoy the my Snuggles aka Butters with my cute little girl, Ana. She is the only girl and I feel that in the next couple of months if everything goes as planned we will be celebrating us moving in to our first house with a new little girl kitten. We will see. The future looks good!