The hardest thing I have ever done...letting go.

It has been crazy these last two weeks. We are settling down at our house and I am preparing for the last month of school. I have been busy taking care of my cat to post anything lately. She is dying of lymphoma, a type of cancer. I always suspected it was cancer but I hoped that it wasn't. My fridge is a fridge full of sick cat paraphernalia. Opened wet cat food containers for forced feedings, a vial of penicillin for her daily injection to treat her for an infection, I have needles in my drawers and an enema to help her poop. I am glad that I know what I am doing because my husband looks queasy every time I give her a shot or squirt some smelly food into Big Kitty's mouth, makes me laugh. I know what I am doing is futile. She has a mass the size of a small ball in her abdomen attached to her liver but I am willing to keep doing supportive methods until she tells me to stop. She isn't very mobile but she never really has been. She sleeps with me at night and she does a good job of making me feel loved and warm. I will know in the next couple of days if she will get over this latest infection or succumb to it. My sister and husband have been very supportive but I am in my own case of denial. I know that the end is close for my cat but I can't say it. I am waiting for a sign that she is ready, I don't want her to suffer but I don't want to let her go without a fight. I am here waiting and hoping and crying...