Pharmaco Karma!

This holiday season I decided that I didn't want to work in a mall or at a vet's office, I decided to sell myself for science. Well, more for the 6 days of medical research and the 1,000 dollars they pay you when the study is complete. I signed up for two studies and both times I was told that I could do neither. Curious why I wasn't a good candidate? I thought I was a good candidate. I have a good body mass index, I don't do any illicit drugs, smoke or drink alcohol. The only thing that got me disqualified was the fact that I am on hormonal birth control pills. We'll given a choice of the study or the pill, I'd take the pill any day of the week. I spent too many years stressed out with pregnancy scares to drop my pill like a bad habit. The only sucky thing is that they can not tell you that the study requires you to be off any drugs while signing up on the phone. They tell you to bring it along and ask the study people. I guess I can see their point of view. I mean if a person was told that they couldn't be on birth control and that stupid person went off of their pill and got pregnant then that person might argue that it was the medical researchers fault. Not me, I waited too damn long to get insurance to not be taking my pill. But I can't help but wonder if this is some kind of cosmic justice for running out on one of their studies a couple of years earlier. I signed up for a study that had some ridiculous amount of money but it was like four weekends plus some outpatient visits. Well, I passed the screening, the urine analysis, bloodwork, EKG and I wasn't on the pill (too poor). I was perfect. They signed me up to return for a physical. On my return visit I was pointed in the direction of that particular study's waiting room and it was packed. Now crowds don't normally make me nervous but it looked like every crazy homeless person that I recognized and personally knew from all my years of working at a library had signed up for that study. I started to panic because it was hard to deal with some of those crazy people at work let alone have to be sequestered with them for 3 days in a ward. I decided to push down my fear and go and sign my name up on the list and I was the 50th person to sign up and wasn't going anywhere for a while. So I sat down but I could feel the panic start to build in me. They gave us lists on what we could not take in to the facility as easy reading. I decided that breathing deeply and distracting myself with looking at other things in the room might calm me down. I looked to the left and their was a girl with purple hair and a nose piercing and I swear I could see bugs in her hair. The guy on the left smelled like he crapped himself and was mumbling under his breath. I didn't mind them at all but the fact that I couldn't bring a vat of hand sanitizer, RID or any anti-fungal medications started to eat away at me. I am kind of a germaphobe. The longer I sat there the more I started to get that deer in the headlights look. I had to get out of there before I got lice or something. I calmly stood up and walked slowly to the door. I made it to the hallway when I was confronted by a young lady sitting on a chair in the hallway. I seriously think she was sitting there to prevent bolters from running out of there. I wonder if that happens often. Anyways, she looked at me suspiciously at first but I smiled saying that I left something in the car that I was going to run out and get. She looked at me and nodded. Then came the hard part of walking calmly out of the building but as soon as I was out of those doors, I ran to my car jumped in it, started the engine and peeled out of that parking lot and floored it till I got home. When I got home you figured I was Lady Macbeth because I was scrubbing my hands so hard to get them clean. Later, they called me three times to get me to come back for that physical but I couldn't do it. Looking at that girl's hair that moved occasionally and had as much life as a rain forest kept me from picking up that phone. So, that's why I think I am not so lucky with medical studies right now. Karma is a bitch. I guess I will have to try my luck doing something else.