Car Future, Past and Present

Around this time last year my car was broken into. That morning, I was running a little late and when I got to my car the window was off its track. I immediately felt scared, violated and really, really angry. I opened the door and noticed that all of my little compartments were open. I looked around and all I could tell was that they stole change out of my ashtray. Nothing else was missing. FYI, I live like a homeless person in my car meaning that there is all kinds of trash from eating out and junk laying about. I don't even have a real radio to steal, it plays tape cassettes! Anyways, I was upset with the prospect of having a broken window in addition to having my car violated by a stranger. I hysterically woke up my husband and he calmly walked over to the window and popped it back on it's track. I went to work and called the cops and they told me that they would send some one. A couple of hours later a cop rolls up. I go out and meet him, tell him the story and wait for his response. He looks at my car which has a nice coating of dirt and tells me that he could try to check for prints but that it would probably be a lost cause because my car was filthy. I told him to print the car because I want this guy or girl to be caught. I don't pay my taxes to let some guy steal $1.50 in change and get away with it, the stupid idiot could have asked me for it, I would have given it to him/her. So, he takes prints from my car and that was the last of that...they never caught the person.

I still have my car and it's on its last leg but I have good news! No, I didn't save a lot by switching to Geico but my husband and I received a new car, well not a "new" car more like used car, this past weekend. Yeah, it's totally sweet and I feel like a pimp driving around in a Lexus. I know a Lexus! I love my in-laws and they give the best presents. I just love the fact that it has air conditioning! My last 3 cars didn't have air conditioning, so I am on cloud nine. Plus if anyone even thinks of breaking into this car it will set off alarm and the engine kill switch. I want to see if I can change the alarm to say, "Dance mother fucker, dance!" while simulated gunfire goes off in the background and maybe if I can put on a dashboard camera to film it, too, that would be totally sweet. This car maybe the push I needed to get a part time job, yeah, as a pimp since I got a bitching new ride. Yep, now I just need some man whores and he-bitches to go out and make me some money...I am now accepting applications.