The Exciting Tale of the Dead Hooker Pad and other Adventures!
I am feeling a little under the weather today. Molds are through the roof here in Austin, TX and I am feeling them. I am riding on a Sudafed, Sucrets and Vitamin C cloud and I hope I don't get any sicker. The hubbie and I spent New Year's in Houston visiting his family. We got to see my in-laws and his brother's family. I miss his kids. They seem to have grown so much in the last 6 months since I last saw them. The only thing I didn't miss is the gross kid stuff they do. You know what I am talking about..the picking of noses then touch every cookie in the cookie jar and their ability to completely make a bathroom impure within minutes. It wouldn't have been so bad but my hubbie's mom let the kids help cook dinner and since I saw where their hands were, it was impossible to eat. I think I lost some weight but my poor husband was more traumatized than I and I am a germaphobe. I love kids but spending time with them scared my ovaries and I wished for a vat of Formula 409 and hand sanitizer.
Since it was crowded at the in-laws house they set us up in a hotel room for our stay. Sweet! I don't know how other couples work but the hubbie and I really try to get our monies worth out of hotels. It is kind of a role playing game but more like the sexual Olympics. Anyways, I get all clean and sweet smelling for my man and then pull back the covers to discover a small pad or blanket that can be seen under the scrunchie sheet bed cover. My thoughts were OMIGOD that is a dead hooker pad to hide the dead hooker stain on this bed. My hubbie noticed that I could not lay down on the bed so he bravely took the sheets off and there was no stain but the mood was ruined. I kept thinking of that damn dead hooker pad. So, this time no nookie but we did hear someone play a sad tuba song in the middle of the night but I doubt that was any conciliation for my hubbie who actually looks forward to these hotel stays.
On New Year's Eve we hung out with my husband's brother and his new wife at Houston's Continental Club. My hubbie's brother went to school with one of the band member's of El Orbits and he wanted to check them out. They place was happening and El Orbit's was awesome. I even enticed my husband to dance. Also, I had a little ego stroking episode at the bar. I sidled up to the bar to get some margaritas and some dude with a New Zealand accent starts to chat me up. As soon as he asks me to dance he notices my wedding ring. He apologizes then proceeds to ask me if I could still meet him later on that night. The nerve of that man. I laughlingly say no because a) he's pathetic and b) my husband is standing right behind me. I informed him that I have been with my husband for 10 years and he replied that he would have married me 15 years ago. I told him he couldn't because that would have been illegal for me since I am only 29 and 15 years ago I was only 14. I don't condone the whole child bride thing. He didn't believe I am married so I have to turn around and ask my husband how long we have been together. You should have seen his face, he just kept digging a deeper and deeper hole. He shook my husband's hand congratulating him on his choice of wife and than proceeded to tell him what he would have do if I were his wife. I am glad I didn't hear that part because he probably would have been wearing my drink and my poor husband would have had to have pried my boot from his ass. I hope he worked his weak ass mojo on another girl but he needed some serious help with his game. Later, at midnight I was so busy tipsily having a good time that I almost missed my New Year's kiss. My husband forcibly whorled me around in his arms and planted one on my lips all man like, it was pretty exciting. Overall, it was a great night and a great trip but the best part of trip, as my husband said, was coming home and I totally agree.
Since it was crowded at the in-laws house they set us up in a hotel room for our stay. Sweet! I don't know how other couples work but the hubbie and I really try to get our monies worth out of hotels. It is kind of a role playing game but more like the sexual Olympics. Anyways, I get all clean and sweet smelling for my man and then pull back the covers to discover a small pad or blanket that can be seen under the scrunchie sheet bed cover. My thoughts were OMIGOD that is a dead hooker pad to hide the dead hooker stain on this bed. My hubbie noticed that I could not lay down on the bed so he bravely took the sheets off and there was no stain but the mood was ruined. I kept thinking of that damn dead hooker pad. So, this time no nookie but we did hear someone play a sad tuba song in the middle of the night but I doubt that was any conciliation for my hubbie who actually looks forward to these hotel stays.
On New Year's Eve we hung out with my husband's brother and his new wife at Houston's Continental Club. My hubbie's brother went to school with one of the band member's of El Orbits and he wanted to check them out. They place was happening and El Orbit's was awesome. I even enticed my husband to dance. Also, I had a little ego stroking episode at the bar. I sidled up to the bar to get some margaritas and some dude with a New Zealand accent starts to chat me up. As soon as he asks me to dance he notices my wedding ring. He apologizes then proceeds to ask me if I could still meet him later on that night. The nerve of that man. I laughlingly say no because a) he's pathetic and b) my husband is standing right behind me. I informed him that I have been with my husband for 10 years and he replied that he would have married me 15 years ago. I told him he couldn't because that would have been illegal for me since I am only 29 and 15 years ago I was only 14. I don't condone the whole child bride thing. He didn't believe I am married so I have to turn around and ask my husband how long we have been together. You should have seen his face, he just kept digging a deeper and deeper hole. He shook my husband's hand congratulating him on his choice of wife and than proceeded to tell him what he would have do if I were his wife. I am glad I didn't hear that part because he probably would have been wearing my drink and my poor husband would have had to have pried my boot from his ass. I hope he worked his weak ass mojo on another girl but he needed some serious help with his game. Later, at midnight I was so busy tipsily having a good time that I almost missed my New Year's kiss. My husband forcibly whorled me around in his arms and planted one on my lips all man like, it was pretty exciting. Overall, it was a great night and a great trip but the best part of trip, as my husband said, was coming home and I totally agree.
posted by Angelique at 12:41 AM
2 Comments:
"...their ability to completely make a bathroom impure within minutes."
LOL, my guys are world champions at this!
Tshsmom, it truly is an amazing ability. The bathroom was perfect than...Shazaam! The scariest bathroom I have ever seen. It beat all those gas station bathrooms off the interstate any day.
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